Customers

If you’re in retail, one of those awkward moments for you, is when you have explained something to a customer but they reply with an answer which shows they do not understand what you’ve just said to them. And you’re thinking…I really cannot put this in a simpler way, I’m not sure if I should be rude and just repeat what I’ve said to try and make them understand because maybe they didn’t hear, or….maybe they heard and just aren’t processing english today so I’ll just say ‘ok’ to whatever and finish this sale so I can move on.

e.g.

‘I’m sorry this letter you want to send is not going to get there tomorrow because it’s not within Australia Post’s Next Day Delivery express network.’

‘….(looks at me blankly)…I just want it to get there tomorrow.’

‘Yeah unfortunately we don’t do express to this particular area of Sydney, mainly because it’s too far away to get there the next day.’

‘….(stares at the counter space above his letter)…I just want it there by tomorrow’ (blinks justifiedly).

And here’s when I’m looking at him looking blankly at me like he hasn’t listened to a word I just said, he probably just saw my mouth moving but nothing went into his ear and through to his brain that processed correctly. I feel like saying to him ‘LOOK FUCKHEAD, YOUR LETTER AIN’T GONNA GET THERE TOMORROW COZ YOU FUCKING LEFT IT TOO LATE YOU SON OF A BITCH. SO YOU BETTER START DRIVING RIGHT NOW TO MAKE SURE YOU CAN GET IT THERE TOMORROW YOURSELF, YOU FUCKING MATE OF A MATE.’

Lady No.2

She has a nearly shaved head, with white hair, a coarse but high pitched voice, tracksuit pants and jumper. She’s small framed. She usually asks for Horizon 50’s or Champion Ruby tobacco with “the lady on them”. Before that, it was “heart disease”. She doesn’t like the packets with the statistical diagrams about the different types of death by nicotine, she prefers the pictures. And this is hard, because most packets have the diagrams, because most people prefer a diagram rather than a picture of a woman with an oxygen mask lying in hospital, or an artery with gunk squeezed half way out. I don’t think she’s ever bought a packet without the pictures.

Her nails are usually very short but broad, covered messily with red nail polish, like as if she painted them on but didn’t have time to dry them, and now they are choppy and smudged.

Lady No.1

“Da na na”, which translates from Chinese to English as Big Boobs Lady, are in fact huge; they’re saggy and they rest on her big belly. She always comes in with lots of plastic shopping bags with nothing particular in them. The bags are old, not fresh, they are crinkly and look reused. She speaks to herself constantly, and usually waits around the front of our shop before and after she makes a purchase. She buys ‘The Picture’ which is an adult magazine, sometimes a paper, stationery, or Take 5 magazine, but usually wonders around for a good 10-20 minutes muttering things to herself and biting her nails before she comes to the counter. I haven’t caught what she’s muttered to herself yet. Occasionally she doesn’t purchase anything. The previous owners have caught her stealing apparently, so the first few months when we first took over the shop, we sometimes asked her to open her bags for checking before she leaves.

When she comes to the counter, you can usually smell something unpleasant, maybe she hasn’t showered in a while, who knows. Sometimes she wears earrings and looks more pleasant, but she always smells the same. She always wants a receipt and a bag, even though she is carrying about a dozen half empty bags, she is perfectly polite when you are serving her, and then mutters off when she leaves, whether it is about the person serving her or not, whether it’s good or bad. 

She likes taking all the brochures from the Post Office counter. She sends money orders from the Post Office to herself; she purchases a money order made payable to herself, mails it to herself and then cashes it in to herself. It’s also interesting that she opens all her bags before she leaves the shop for us to check, even when we’re a mile away, yet still brings just as many bags in, knowing we are going to check them when she leaves.

Me Myself and Gracie

Gracie is one of the most beautiful and loving dogs I have met. She has such a wonderful temperament and she’s very affectionate.